So much for Wisdom

"I sat there completely exposed,
my tongue, my teeth, my inner nose.
While the dentist peered into my mouth,
his mission: to extract all the wisdom that was creating havoc.
Wisdom is a funny thing"

I had my wisdom teeth removed two days ago. Needless to say it wasn't a very pleasant experience. I bled my blood and tasted my wisdom drained away with every tug and every grinding movement of his dangerous equipment. My mouth felt like open road works - which are carried out in the interest of greater good - but are a bloody annoyance.
So here I sit, unable to chew gulp or breathe, while my face looks like an aneasthesised chimpmunk trying to work out what I ought to be doing with my day.

400mg of Ibuprofen and 400mg of a cocktail of antibiotics are doing a good job at keeping me in a limbo...
.......
Brain is now on standby....

Another love lost

It is funny how most of us look back at our lives and laugh about the hard the times. The times when all had seemed lost and we thought we fucked things up beyond repair. As time goes by, you are reminded that nothing in life is constant - not even your pain and misery.

That said... I'm stilled pained by my pennilessness! And this misery has been constant for a while. This misery, however, has been a product of my own doing, hence undoable as soon as I have learnt the art of saving ;) [I am hoping I will master this skill within the next couple of weeks since I have so much time on my hands these days]

My new job – which I really do like by the way – offers excellent working conditions, including the absence of long hours of being stuck at my desk. In the days leading up to the New Year (2009) the press office phone has barely rung with media enquiries. I therefore have 8 hours of twiddling thumbs to do each day until the eve of 31st. No, I am not complaining, merely stating that I have so much time on my hands that I can sit at work and read whatever I like. My quest for reading led me back to a blog entry I wrote back in the end of 2006 – the year I had moved to the UK.

It seems eons ago! Haha! I was such a drama queen! Well I still am to an extent but not so much anymore. I smiled as I read my hysterical rant. I have since then been through three redundancies, met more than 15 interesting men in the past two years – none of whom I have remotely wanted to fall in love with – and moved to a lovely apartment in London. I have also grown a healthy layer of self-confidence and contentment!

How did I come so far I wonder? End of 2006, I am now reminded, was very traumatic for me and I had no clue what I was doing with my life or…where I wanted to go…just that I was sad. All because some boy had broken my heart!

2009 is now around the corner, and guess what, I am alive and kicking. Kicking myself in the arse that I have been a fool again…I am heart broken again…ahahahaha…but I am in no way hysterical, sad or lost as a result of it.

My faith in myself didn’t falter this time, I didn’t feel like my life would come to a standstill. I realised I no longer need a significant other’s validation, approval or even attention in order to feel good about myself. In fact, though I am sad that my new found dream boy and I have to go our separate ways, I am happier to have met him and known him.

Me My Ownself

"Time, why you walk away?
Like a friend with somewhere to go
You left me crying

Can you teach me about tommorrow
And all the pain and sorrow
Running free?
Cause tomorrows just another day
And I don't believe in time"
--- Time, Hootie and the Blowfish


It has been years since I heard this song. It suddenly played on my iTunes today at a very opportune time. I've been very careless with my heart lately and no this is not another rant about the futility of trying to have relationships with men.

Today's post about being elated to be just by myself. Earlier this morning I spoke to my sister and felt like I had found my feet again. It is a season when families get together and spend cherished moments.

My family here are my friends and lately some awesome strangers who have now come to be close friends who cooked a delicious Christmas lunch for me. I had one of the best evenings of my life yesterday. Drunken charades on a day you've stuffed yourself like a turkey is a fun experience. I am finally happy to be me.
I spent the entire day on my lonesome walking around the neighbourhood and being all click happy and here's a taster

:)

Age old wisdom: Women and men are just not meant to be together

This theme is becoming a bit tiresome now.
Girl meets boy. Boy chases girl. Tells her how wonderful she is. She resists.
He tells her everyday how amazing she is.
She - being cursed with a woman's soft heart - finally gives in.

and BANG!!! OUT OF NOWHERE .... She stops being amazing to him and he runs off into a bubble world where she cannot reach him.

Time and time again this story repeats itself around the world... in every corner and it happens with every woman i know.

Why haven't we learnt...stay mean and keep em keen ladies!!!

Dream Dream Dream

"I'm staring at my dream in the face,
Seems so real I could touch it,
But what if I break it?
I sit and stare,
waiting and watching,
willing myself to run with it.
But then again...
what if it breaks?

There will be another tomorrow."

I am plotting out my life in black and white these days - pun intended. There has been a constant endeavor to chart my progress over the years, whether it in terms of financial improvement or career advancement. These days it also involves emotional stability. So how far have I come since the last time I looked closely at my life.
As far as work is concerned, I've come a long way - my professional has gone from being a journalist, to an editor, to an MA student to a PR exec. Within PR I have moved industries as well. As far as residing in one place goes, I have managed to successfully complete two years of living in the UK. (That's the longest I have stayed in one country in the past few years)
My lovely new home provides me with the stability I need. I've now even met someone I could see myself wanting to spend most of my time with!!!
But ..then comes the big fat BUT... something that has been a dream for the longest time, has come and presented itself in front of me. In order to fulfill it, I must give up everything I have built here in the UK.
A year ago, it would have been extremely easy to just up and leave. In fact, I couldn't wait to get out of a city I considered to be soul-less. London to me, back then, was the most depressing city of all the depressing places I have lived in. No! actually that's wrong. Swansea has been the most depressing place I have ever lived in. The constant rain and gloom coupled with my brilliant experiences there - made it a recipe for emotional disaster...Bleh
Anyway, these days I wake up to pangs of anxiety when I think about the coming few months. If I manage to make this dream a reality... My time will be spent far away from my amazing friends and life in London. And this one person I have come to adore

More rants after I know what destiny has in store (don't I sound cryptic now!!!).....

It's Been A While

I don't have a poem today. The last time I wrote was almost a year ago. So, it's been a while since I decided to put my life into words. To quickly recap - I moved to London since my last entry, changed two jobs, acquired a bag full of skills. Found a lovely apartment by the river in South East London. Not only that, I live with friends I really care about and have fun with. I have a near-family domestic pad.

The past few months have been a learning experience in terms of how to save money, how to keep your mouth shut, how not to turn into a soppy doormat, how to ace interviews, how to actually like who you are, how to prioritise, etc. In short, it was a crash course in "Dummies guide to Life".

I recently met a friend who reminded me that I had not contributed to my own blog and it was unlike me. This got me thinking, I couldn't wait to write every other night at one point. My blog was my own personal venting machine and my shrink. This is where I came to ask my questions and this is where I, myself answered them. So why haven't I been writing? No clue, but I have a lot fewer things to rant and complain about now.

However, the last couple of trips back home to Bombay have made me wonder where I belong. I live in the world's most cosmopolitan city now and I can no longer relate to life in Bombay. Not that the city has remained the same. It has moved on, without me. The memories I have of it are from a different time. Most of my friends are now in London - even the ones I grew up with.
My recent graduation ceremony made me realise I do miss my little family that is scattered across the globe. But I also realised that home is not a city, it is the people. With my sister in NZ and mum in Bombay and dad sailing across the oceans, Europe has come to be home. Amsterdam and London offer the comforts that Bombay used to at some point.

Lately, I haven't felt the need to think too deeply about life and where it is going. I've found comfort in the everyday problems and hiccups. Knowing for sure that tomorrow is another day. And it is. I may not be the best or the worst day of my life, but it is another day that offers me the chance to do things better than I did yesterday.

I promise to write more regularly now ;)

P.S. I took that photograph when I was living in Earl's Court

Love and Other Disasters

"If you'd call my name out loud,
If you'd call my name out loud,
Do you suppose that I would come running,
Do you suppose I'd come at all,
I suppose I would" --- 'Out Loud' by Dispatch

The Drama in this Drama Queens life seems to have no end. I lie here on a weeknight after having watched a chickflick.... Yes, Yes! One more about love and the disasters associated with it. The reason for staying up this late is my utter boredom and being handicapped!

The last week was spent in sunny Malta. Everywhere I looked there was blue sea, beautiful endless blue. The cliffs hung over this topaz-coloured ocean, each with their distinct expressions. The waves crashed and rose again. It seemed like nature's symphony, almost as if the waves and the rocks were trying to break down the barriers between them so that they could communicate. But they couldn't. The waves rose and crashed at the foot of every cliff, while the patient rocks waited and listened. They had done this for so long now, but still they stood over the ocean and paid it their silence and patience.

It was bliss falling asleep to the sound of the sea and waking to the cries of seagulls and boats in the Sliema harbour. Sliema is a city along the coast of Malta. I saw endless boats, the traditional ones with bright colours and the ultra-chic yatchs that millionaires used to cruise around the waters of Malta and Gozo.

It was dreamland, it was my paradise. But that was not why i was there. Killing time in the magnificence of Malta was not brought on by a holiday. My foundations had been shaken by my father who was critically ill and lying in a hospital in Malta. I flew out there to see him. Which was a complete disaster in itself.

The outbound disasters:

I flew out of London on a crisp Wednesday morning. Traffic as usual was crap....but my amazing Polish lady cab driver made sure i was there in time for check-in. So for once i was there at the airport in time and in my senses !! Not for long. The princessepa lands in Milan where she has to kill some time before boarding her flight to Malta. She doesn't make it. Alitalia changes the gate numbers at the last moment so here i am at the wrong gate hearing my name being called by Alitalia I beg and ask for help from the ground staff. No use, the flights leaves. I stay! No more flights to Malta i am told!! Not only that I had to buy new tickets to get the next flight which was more than 24 hours away! I spent three hours crying at the airport wondering how my dad was doing!! I make frantic phone calls to everyone i know. My sister in New Zealand, my friends in Amsterdam, my mother in Bombay, my friends in London, my friends in Italy etc...

However, I spent the night in Milano with a friend i had not met in 10 years!!! It was amazing to catch up over a bottle of wine and some dinner which she was gracious enough to cook for me...didn't feel like that much time had passed. Although she has been married for five years now, and i wasn't even at her wedding. I have no clue why, where was i?
Anyway, I arrived in Malta, the sun kissed my face and the wind blew into my hair...an all too comforting welcome from the forces of nature. I had a happy tune playing in my head until at the luggage department they said my bag hadn't arrived!!!

I was in the same clothes for three days already!!! ughh!!!


Anyway, I had arrived, and i was happy to see dad. He looked frail and weak. This really shook the ground beneath my feet. My dad to me is the strongest man on the planet. He is my rock, my supreme court and my world bank. Seeing him in that state snapped me into realising a lot of things.
That i needed to start saving for a rainy day, though this time it didn't pour that bad. But the sudden wake up call that your parents are getting old is a hard one to face up to.

Malta and Gozo and the Blue Lagoon!!

The islands presented me with a sense of peace and calm and 7000 years of history. They had been ruled by every perceivable power in the Mediterranean, from the Romans to the Turks to the British. This is the reason why the Maltese 'look' isn't uniform. Its a culture that has emerged from centuries of varied influences. People have names like Matthew Metcallif, showing their Arabic heritage and the very Christian present. As, I mentioned earlier, there was beauty everywhere you looked. In the old buildings, in the new ones and the golden haze everywhere brought on by the limestone constructions which reflected the sunlight in all their vigour.
Though there wasn't much time to see the splendour there was, I was content with whatever came my way. My primary purpose of being there was dad.

Big fall on the rebound

Did was discharged and in my jubilant mood i took a tumble down the stairs of the hospital rupturing a ligament in my ankle. The result, a life confined to crutches for at least two weeks and travel in wheel chair class.
It's funny how people look at you from that height. Some people stare outright, some act condescending and try to help you out even though you don't need their help. Overall, its not a very nice feeling. Though people may not mean it, they end up belittling you.


Now... back to the present...
I'm sitting with my foot propped up on a pillow laptop et all at arms length. No need to even move to get to the essentials. I haven't indulged in alcohol at all, been eating healthy and low calorie food as i fear i may be a few kilos heavier once i am able to weigh myself!!

I've watched two romantic comedies so far today and i feel very angry at myself. Was just thinking to myself why do these movies make me feel inadequate!! Like finding love is the ultimate aim if people's existence. Bull @%$*!

Anyway I still feel miserable and I know i am still the soft and disgustingly soppy stereotype of women..bleh...

That's it! Time to call it a night!!

In the Isles - Part II October 17, 2007

The next morning the journey began towards scenic seas and white cliffs. We did our sight seeing part of the tour and ended at the Needles on the Isle of Wight which has the different coloured cliffs and the needles...
It was fun :)..

there were loads of laughs on the way...
The next day saw me tired and blurry eyed at work :(