Another love lost

It is funny how most of us look back at our lives and laugh about the hard the times. The times when all had seemed lost and we thought we fucked things up beyond repair. As time goes by, you are reminded that nothing in life is constant - not even your pain and misery.

That said... I'm stilled pained by my pennilessness! And this misery has been constant for a while. This misery, however, has been a product of my own doing, hence undoable as soon as I have learnt the art of saving ;) [I am hoping I will master this skill within the next couple of weeks since I have so much time on my hands these days]

My new job – which I really do like by the way – offers excellent working conditions, including the absence of long hours of being stuck at my desk. In the days leading up to the New Year (2009) the press office phone has barely rung with media enquiries. I therefore have 8 hours of twiddling thumbs to do each day until the eve of 31st. No, I am not complaining, merely stating that I have so much time on my hands that I can sit at work and read whatever I like. My quest for reading led me back to a blog entry I wrote back in the end of 2006 – the year I had moved to the UK.

It seems eons ago! Haha! I was such a drama queen! Well I still am to an extent but not so much anymore. I smiled as I read my hysterical rant. I have since then been through three redundancies, met more than 15 interesting men in the past two years – none of whom I have remotely wanted to fall in love with – and moved to a lovely apartment in London. I have also grown a healthy layer of self-confidence and contentment!

How did I come so far I wonder? End of 2006, I am now reminded, was very traumatic for me and I had no clue what I was doing with my life or…where I wanted to go…just that I was sad. All because some boy had broken my heart!

2009 is now around the corner, and guess what, I am alive and kicking. Kicking myself in the arse that I have been a fool again…I am heart broken again…ahahahaha…but I am in no way hysterical, sad or lost as a result of it.

My faith in myself didn’t falter this time, I didn’t feel like my life would come to a standstill. I realised I no longer need a significant other’s validation, approval or even attention in order to feel good about myself. In fact, though I am sad that my new found dream boy and I have to go our separate ways, I am happier to have met him and known him.

Me My Ownself

"Time, why you walk away?
Like a friend with somewhere to go
You left me crying

Can you teach me about tommorrow
And all the pain and sorrow
Running free?
Cause tomorrows just another day
And I don't believe in time"
--- Time, Hootie and the Blowfish


It has been years since I heard this song. It suddenly played on my iTunes today at a very opportune time. I've been very careless with my heart lately and no this is not another rant about the futility of trying to have relationships with men.

Today's post about being elated to be just by myself. Earlier this morning I spoke to my sister and felt like I had found my feet again. It is a season when families get together and spend cherished moments.

My family here are my friends and lately some awesome strangers who have now come to be close friends who cooked a delicious Christmas lunch for me. I had one of the best evenings of my life yesterday. Drunken charades on a day you've stuffed yourself like a turkey is a fun experience. I am finally happy to be me.
I spent the entire day on my lonesome walking around the neighbourhood and being all click happy and here's a taster

:)

Age old wisdom: Women and men are just not meant to be together

This theme is becoming a bit tiresome now.
Girl meets boy. Boy chases girl. Tells her how wonderful she is. She resists.
He tells her everyday how amazing she is.
She - being cursed with a woman's soft heart - finally gives in.

and BANG!!! OUT OF NOWHERE .... She stops being amazing to him and he runs off into a bubble world where she cannot reach him.

Time and time again this story repeats itself around the world... in every corner and it happens with every woman i know.

Why haven't we learnt...stay mean and keep em keen ladies!!!

Dream Dream Dream

"I'm staring at my dream in the face,
Seems so real I could touch it,
But what if I break it?
I sit and stare,
waiting and watching,
willing myself to run with it.
But then again...
what if it breaks?

There will be another tomorrow."

I am plotting out my life in black and white these days - pun intended. There has been a constant endeavor to chart my progress over the years, whether it in terms of financial improvement or career advancement. These days it also involves emotional stability. So how far have I come since the last time I looked closely at my life.
As far as work is concerned, I've come a long way - my professional has gone from being a journalist, to an editor, to an MA student to a PR exec. Within PR I have moved industries as well. As far as residing in one place goes, I have managed to successfully complete two years of living in the UK. (That's the longest I have stayed in one country in the past few years)
My lovely new home provides me with the stability I need. I've now even met someone I could see myself wanting to spend most of my time with!!!
But ..then comes the big fat BUT... something that has been a dream for the longest time, has come and presented itself in front of me. In order to fulfill it, I must give up everything I have built here in the UK.
A year ago, it would have been extremely easy to just up and leave. In fact, I couldn't wait to get out of a city I considered to be soul-less. London to me, back then, was the most depressing city of all the depressing places I have lived in. No! actually that's wrong. Swansea has been the most depressing place I have ever lived in. The constant rain and gloom coupled with my brilliant experiences there - made it a recipe for emotional disaster...Bleh
Anyway, these days I wake up to pangs of anxiety when I think about the coming few months. If I manage to make this dream a reality... My time will be spent far away from my amazing friends and life in London. And this one person I have come to adore

More rants after I know what destiny has in store (don't I sound cryptic now!!!).....

It's Been A While

I don't have a poem today. The last time I wrote was almost a year ago. So, it's been a while since I decided to put my life into words. To quickly recap - I moved to London since my last entry, changed two jobs, acquired a bag full of skills. Found a lovely apartment by the river in South East London. Not only that, I live with friends I really care about and have fun with. I have a near-family domestic pad.

The past few months have been a learning experience in terms of how to save money, how to keep your mouth shut, how not to turn into a soppy doormat, how to ace interviews, how to actually like who you are, how to prioritise, etc. In short, it was a crash course in "Dummies guide to Life".

I recently met a friend who reminded me that I had not contributed to my own blog and it was unlike me. This got me thinking, I couldn't wait to write every other night at one point. My blog was my own personal venting machine and my shrink. This is where I came to ask my questions and this is where I, myself answered them. So why haven't I been writing? No clue, but I have a lot fewer things to rant and complain about now.

However, the last couple of trips back home to Bombay have made me wonder where I belong. I live in the world's most cosmopolitan city now and I can no longer relate to life in Bombay. Not that the city has remained the same. It has moved on, without me. The memories I have of it are from a different time. Most of my friends are now in London - even the ones I grew up with.
My recent graduation ceremony made me realise I do miss my little family that is scattered across the globe. But I also realised that home is not a city, it is the people. With my sister in NZ and mum in Bombay and dad sailing across the oceans, Europe has come to be home. Amsterdam and London offer the comforts that Bombay used to at some point.

Lately, I haven't felt the need to think too deeply about life and where it is going. I've found comfort in the everyday problems and hiccups. Knowing for sure that tomorrow is another day. And it is. I may not be the best or the worst day of my life, but it is another day that offers me the chance to do things better than I did yesterday.

I promise to write more regularly now ;)

P.S. I took that photograph when I was living in Earl's Court