Sun, Sand and Sea: Old Feelings and New Beginnings

"I squint to look up,
the sun glares back at me.
Something says that my troubles,
will now be kind to me.
The wind whispers,
I have heard it before.
Listening to new words,
I see the change.
Angry sun burns,
the carefree wind blows,
smiling faces pass,
my toes wriggle in sand,
tired ideas breathe new life.
The world has not changed,
though everything feels new,
I know what has come and gone,
I was too lost to see,
all that has changed,
is me."-----------------------ME

The Drama Queen has been away from the blogosphere, she thought she had nothing to say. Nothing seemed to be important enough. The level of stagnation had reached new highs or should I say lows. Whatever the case may be, the past month has been spent in an attempt to clear the clutter in my head. I obsessed about jobs and money and my dissertation (which by the way, I still have not completed). I was fortunate to be granted an extension on the deadline. But have I learnt? No.! I sit here on a beautifully sunny day (a rare occurrence I must add), wishing and hoping I could run out and sit by the sea. I can see the boats and windsurfers and children running on the beach. The only running I got to do was out of the library and into the courtyard due to a annoying fire alarm. As the case every time, there was no fire. So my frantic running, clutching my belongings (too many I brought along today), was futile!

So annoyed and with broken rhythm I write a new post. Her highness has lately had oodles of time to introspect and analyse her life and the way she lives it. (This is a ritual with me, mainly just aimed at avoiding academic work, I like to make it sound important for that very reason).

Being broke and penny less is something I am not good at doing, I may not have enough to pay my phone bills but I will stop and stare at the shoe sale in Clarks. There is barely enough to pay next month's rent but I am off to Portugal in two days! Impulsive you say? I have had nicer adjectives, e.g., stupid, irresponsible, short-sighted, juvenile and the list goes on.

So, I ended up with no job, no money, an incomplete dissertation but I have new shoes that bite me every time I walk. I have finally admitted that I am a compulsive buyer, I buy things I don't need and I don't need the things I buy. Therefore, the current financial crisis is driving me nuts.

Cleaning jobs seemed to be beneath me most of my life (I mean I have rarely my bed when I was home), today I am ready to take anything I get. I considered some of them but then gave up and called Daddy. Knowing you will be Daddy's-girl has an immense satisfactory feeling. However, on the other end of the line I got a very angry and frustrated father, who didn't seem to happy at the prospect. Then again, it wasn't like he said no. Happy me is now awaiting the cheque. (jumping up and down)

This time though I am not going to spend it drinking away and travelling. Portugal is the last holiday for 2007. Now only work. I have become more organised now that I have learnt to live like an underprivileged member of the society. Ahem! That's an exaggeration. Now that I have learnt there isn't an unlimited supply of money for people who are as disorganised and irresponsible as me, I am going to watch what I do. No more dinners in fancy restaurants, no more impulsive buying or travelling. I will look for a job for survival, and not be snooty about anything. Most important of all I will have a plan, plans for everything. Small goals and everyday efforts to be more responsible :)

Hehe!!! Does this even sound like me?

I am not giving up my crazy antics though, I intend to stay just as annoying and animated.