Somewhere over the Rainbow

"All we ever want is more
and mostly more time.
More time...
to grow up.
More time...
to learn.
More time...
to fall in love.
More time...
to fall out of love.
More time...
to finish things.
More time...
to let go."



In my case I need more time for everything. There are things I ought to do and there are things I ought not to do. It is no mystery that it is the things that I ought not to do, that I do often. For example, I should be working for my dissertation and writing a long overdue chapter - which is due to be handed in on Tuesday - but I am watching romantic comedies at midnight while gnawing on a large piece of orange flavoured chocolate. Neither should I be watching TV nor eating chocolate (I weighed myself yesterday...I must say its not good news).

There have been a few questions raised about my absence from the blogosphere. The drama queen has been busy trying to get her life back on track...but she hasn't managed to do so. After the accident she seems to have developed memory and concentration problems. It also doesn't help that a certain gentleman has been the cause of major and I mean MAJOR distraction.

Anyway, even at present I am distracted by the romantic comedy The Mirror Has Two Faces its funny how two people can be so perfect for each other, and be in love with each other and still screw things up! Blah!!...watch it ... I think its a classic chick flick. Its even got Pierce Brosnan...yummm!!

So, lately I have been confined to my four walls listening to music, watching TV, cooking, reading books completely unrelated to my work..heheh!! But all in all I think I have started enjoying my solitude. I like being by myself, I no longer seek the constant company of people or feel the need to 'do something'. Instead I am consumed by the absence of that very need. I don't want to do anything. Each day I wake when most of it has passed, and I go to bed in the early hours of the morning. Time has ceased to exist in my head, however I can see the growing concern among people around me who think it will pass me by if I fail to pay closer attention to my life.
I don't seem to care. I am not frightened. There is no fear of failure, no aspirations for success.
I like my stagnation at present.

New developments in life seem to threaten this love of stagnation. I am heading to Edinburgh on a whim. Running after a kite like a child of 5. I don't know which bush I am going to land in, all I know is that I cannot take my eyes of the kite. Its like finding a leprechaun, the moment you take your eyes of it, its gone! This thing that I feel now seems like a momentary lapse of reason. I am too scared to see it vanish. On the other hand, if it became a permanent feature of my life, I will be too afraid to embrace it.

I'm going to go eat the rest of my chocolate and watch the remains of the film...