Love and Other Disasters

"If you'd call my name out loud,
If you'd call my name out loud,
Do you suppose that I would come running,
Do you suppose I'd come at all,
I suppose I would" --- 'Out Loud' by Dispatch

The Drama in this Drama Queens life seems to have no end. I lie here on a weeknight after having watched a chickflick.... Yes, Yes! One more about love and the disasters associated with it. The reason for staying up this late is my utter boredom and being handicapped!

The last week was spent in sunny Malta. Everywhere I looked there was blue sea, beautiful endless blue. The cliffs hung over this topaz-coloured ocean, each with their distinct expressions. The waves crashed and rose again. It seemed like nature's symphony, almost as if the waves and the rocks were trying to break down the barriers between them so that they could communicate. But they couldn't. The waves rose and crashed at the foot of every cliff, while the patient rocks waited and listened. They had done this for so long now, but still they stood over the ocean and paid it their silence and patience.

It was bliss falling asleep to the sound of the sea and waking to the cries of seagulls and boats in the Sliema harbour. Sliema is a city along the coast of Malta. I saw endless boats, the traditional ones with bright colours and the ultra-chic yatchs that millionaires used to cruise around the waters of Malta and Gozo.

It was dreamland, it was my paradise. But that was not why i was there. Killing time in the magnificence of Malta was not brought on by a holiday. My foundations had been shaken by my father who was critically ill and lying in a hospital in Malta. I flew out there to see him. Which was a complete disaster in itself.

The outbound disasters:

I flew out of London on a crisp Wednesday morning. Traffic as usual was crap....but my amazing Polish lady cab driver made sure i was there in time for check-in. So for once i was there at the airport in time and in my senses !! Not for long. The princessepa lands in Milan where she has to kill some time before boarding her flight to Malta. She doesn't make it. Alitalia changes the gate numbers at the last moment so here i am at the wrong gate hearing my name being called by Alitalia I beg and ask for help from the ground staff. No use, the flights leaves. I stay! No more flights to Malta i am told!! Not only that I had to buy new tickets to get the next flight which was more than 24 hours away! I spent three hours crying at the airport wondering how my dad was doing!! I make frantic phone calls to everyone i know. My sister in New Zealand, my friends in Amsterdam, my mother in Bombay, my friends in London, my friends in Italy etc...

However, I spent the night in Milano with a friend i had not met in 10 years!!! It was amazing to catch up over a bottle of wine and some dinner which she was gracious enough to cook for me...didn't feel like that much time had passed. Although she has been married for five years now, and i wasn't even at her wedding. I have no clue why, where was i?
Anyway, I arrived in Malta, the sun kissed my face and the wind blew into my hair...an all too comforting welcome from the forces of nature. I had a happy tune playing in my head until at the luggage department they said my bag hadn't arrived!!!

I was in the same clothes for three days already!!! ughh!!!


Anyway, I had arrived, and i was happy to see dad. He looked frail and weak. This really shook the ground beneath my feet. My dad to me is the strongest man on the planet. He is my rock, my supreme court and my world bank. Seeing him in that state snapped me into realising a lot of things.
That i needed to start saving for a rainy day, though this time it didn't pour that bad. But the sudden wake up call that your parents are getting old is a hard one to face up to.

Malta and Gozo and the Blue Lagoon!!

The islands presented me with a sense of peace and calm and 7000 years of history. They had been ruled by every perceivable power in the Mediterranean, from the Romans to the Turks to the British. This is the reason why the Maltese 'look' isn't uniform. Its a culture that has emerged from centuries of varied influences. People have names like Matthew Metcallif, showing their Arabic heritage and the very Christian present. As, I mentioned earlier, there was beauty everywhere you looked. In the old buildings, in the new ones and the golden haze everywhere brought on by the limestone constructions which reflected the sunlight in all their vigour.
Though there wasn't much time to see the splendour there was, I was content with whatever came my way. My primary purpose of being there was dad.

Big fall on the rebound

Did was discharged and in my jubilant mood i took a tumble down the stairs of the hospital rupturing a ligament in my ankle. The result, a life confined to crutches for at least two weeks and travel in wheel chair class.
It's funny how people look at you from that height. Some people stare outright, some act condescending and try to help you out even though you don't need their help. Overall, its not a very nice feeling. Though people may not mean it, they end up belittling you.


Now... back to the present...
I'm sitting with my foot propped up on a pillow laptop et all at arms length. No need to even move to get to the essentials. I haven't indulged in alcohol at all, been eating healthy and low calorie food as i fear i may be a few kilos heavier once i am able to weigh myself!!

I've watched two romantic comedies so far today and i feel very angry at myself. Was just thinking to myself why do these movies make me feel inadequate!! Like finding love is the ultimate aim if people's existence. Bull @%$*!

Anyway I still feel miserable and I know i am still the soft and disgustingly soppy stereotype of women..bleh...

That's it! Time to call it a night!!

In the Isles - Part II October 17, 2007

The next morning the journey began towards scenic seas and white cliffs. We did our sight seeing part of the tour and ended at the Needles on the Isle of Wight which has the different coloured cliffs and the needles...
It was fun :)..

there were loads of laughs on the way...
The next day saw me tired and blurry eyed at work :(

Surrounded by Sea, Guided by Lights: Isle of Wight - Part I

"The sea beckoned,

Everywhere you look,

its presence felt.

The air

heavy with sea spray.

Distant cries of seagulls,

Echo over the white cliffs.

Waves lap your feet,

an invitation for a quick dip,

the wind plays in your hair,

carrying whispers of stories

from far away oceans.

You close your eyes to the blue sky,

fighting the urge to be lost." ------------ME

Friday morning I woke up to the realisation that my immune system, had little immunity to all things viral, bacterial and environmental. It rained and it poured and people sneezed and coughed, all around me in the week that led to this fateful Friday. Not Friday the 13th but Friday close to the 30th. Perfect! Because it was close to pay day…no…actually it was pay day!!!
With renewed confidence in my finances, I woke to the usual dull and drab morning, only to realise that I was late. Extremely late for work. I was to be at my desk by 9. instead, I was still wiping off my sleep from my face at 8:30.

The crisis alarm rang in my head. It was time to call my boss and inform him that I would be late. So my fingers dialled the number and my ears patiently waited for the phone to be answered. What my fingers, ears and brain had not counted on – was the performance of my vocal chords. Until that point in the morning, except for a slight irritation in my throat and a blocked big nostril (this needs explanation: due to a comically tragic event in my youth, my nose suffered a fracture, since which time I have one big and one small nostril)
Nothing had seemed out of the ordinary.

So it was obvious that when I began to speak, I surprised my own self with a voice that sounded like Gandolf the Grey with a blocked nose. This, originating from me!! For a second I wasn’t sure if I was talking at all. I was advised to stay in bed, I took the advice for the next 2-3 hours. Sheer boredom drove me to have extra enthusiasm for my profession and my work. I was all set to get to work when I was advised for ‘health and safety reasons’ to stay in. (so that I don’t make other people ill)

Common sense would have told anyone to stay in bed the weekend and rest until better. But then again, when did I ever possess that virtue! So I packed my bags and began my journey to Isle of Wight via London and Bristol.

The Plan:

To get to London, meet Taeko (who was incidentally also submitting her dissertation the same day) and head up to Bristol. Then meet the rest of the gang on Saturday morning to head up to the Isle of Wight.

Why Bristol? Well, the gang that was about to set off on this arduous mission of exploring the Isle of Wight comprised of 5 individuals, two of whom were from Bristol. So the route had been mapped out. We were to drive from Bristol, via Bath and Salisbury (the short way through little lanes and the country side)

So, THE PLAN…was to meet Taeko by 6:30 to get to Bristol by 8. Never happened, only left at 8 and got to Bristol by 10. The Friday night attraction for me was to catch up with my Uncle in Bristol. Catch-up happened over midnight programmes on TV and breakfast.

Eashwar was supposed to come pick us up at 10:15, however, according to the grey cells in his brain, the time was registered at 10:50. It didn’t help matters that he had also got the post code wrong and therefore was late!!

After the morning drama of 10:15 and 10:50 Eash, Taeko and I set off to Eash’s place which was the rendezvous for the beginning of the trip (yes! It still hadn’t begun!). Finally everyone was at the same place by about 12:30. Already bloody late we set out for the Isle of Wight. Little did I know there were to be many more stops? Ravi (the dude with the car, the man in control…by in control I mean the absolute supreme controller) and his partner in crime Anand were seated in the front while Anand was playing DJ.
Eash, Taeko and me stuffed in the back. Well the other two are quite tiny, so I didn’t have problems ‘fitting’. But this time I made sure I was not going to sit in the middle. Taeko seemed to have a natural liking for the seat in the middle, which worked out just fine for me!! J *evil grin*

The Panic Pancake Stop

From a prior trip to Salisbury sometime last year(which Anand and I were a part of), Ravi had the remains of the taste of pancakes he had eaten there. The desire for this pancake drove him (and therefore automatically the rest of us) to visit Suzette’s Pancake House in the Salisbury square.
Well I am glad we did though, T and I could go to Body Shop and buy ourselves some much needed lip balm and head up the little town square to the pancake house. Once all had been consumed…we set off again to Southampton from where we took the Red Funnel ferry to East Cowes on the Isle of Wight.

The Ferry

On the ferry, we all jumped and danced around with the two digital SLRs onboard which belonged to us. Everyone was going click happy and click crazy!! We were trying to fit the whole world into a 3 x 5 frame. It is a 45 minute ride to the Isle of Wight which is brilliant when the weather is good. We had no such luck…hehe

The Hotel

The place where we hung our hats for the night was a quaint little hotel in Newport. (These Britons have an obsession with Newport as a name, its every where, there are two of them in Wales a few in England and now I found one on the Isle of Wight as well!!)
Anyway it was called the New Quay Hotel and all five of us were stuffed into one room which was an attic conversion. Truth be told, I quite liked it. It was ….cute ….hehe!!
After checking and dumping our bags we went on the hunt for food and the sea and scenic beauty. It was already twilight and rainy therefore just figuring out the scene proved difficult, let alone the scenic beauty.
Hunt for parking space followed by hunt for the beautiful sea led us to Shanklin another town by the sea where we walked along the beach and drank a bit of local ale toasting to good health while I annoyed Anand about hypocritical Indian men...just like him *wink*


The Mad Cow and Eating

Past are pre-dinner arguements we set off on foot to explore the culinary delights the island had to offer. Pub food was not an option. Ravi didn't want to eat anything Chinese. Eashwar had no opinion. I for certain didn't want to eat Italian or pub food. Taeko and I had our hearst set on a bit of sea food and some rice. It was 9 and my stomach was rumbling so loudly that it was embaressing. I feared we would never come to an agreement and all the restaurants would stop serving food. Saturday, hungry and alcohol-less!! It was going to be my worst nightmare!!

The Mad Cow came to our rescue, she offered spanish Tapas! With everything everyone liked!!! Including Sangria!!! Decision was made we dined at the Mad Cow (where I also lost my umberalla and one of the waitresses was extremely arrogant).

Live music at some random bar

Drunk on 4 huge glasses of Sangria i floated to a bar where i heard live music, Anand also floated there and so did Taeko. Ravi and Eash were not very impressed. I couldn't care less i was extremely drunk and happy!! I strutted up to the bartender and asked for another glass of red wine! (BAD BAD BAD IDEA....WORST IDEA IN THE HISTORY OF BAD IDEAS)

I vaguely remember dancing on the stairs of that place before being reprimanded and asked to get back into the car. The cool sea breeze in my hair and some annoying music in the car kept me quite happy till we reached back to the hotel. Eash and I were singing some old Hindi song in the hotel lobby trying to embaress Anand and we succeeded, he kept going "shhhh!!"

HAHAHA was so funny, till I had to lie down and then the fun stopped. Everything started going round and round. I was thinking to myself, I must be getting old! There was a time I could have done a lot more than this!!

I am glad i could fall asleep in the end...

(For reading convenience ....The rest of the story will continue in the next blog)

And The Wheels of Time, They Turned

"One more gush of wind,
another leaf flies away.
One more drop of rain,
another stone kicked away.
One more chapter ended,
another future buried." --- ME



The drama queen has been back from Portugal for a while. Within being back from Portugal until today, her life has completely done an about turn. Or U turn as you may prefer to call it. The princess had left for Lisboa with very little hopes for the future and now it is here. The future I mean. Not only have I finished the dissertation and submitted it, I HAVE A JOB!

Anyway, among more important things I also happened to go down a completely different road with someone I've known for a while.

So, here I am writing from a tiny little cybercafe in Greenwich, which I have come to love for its quaint little cafes and its big green park where I can lie for hours (weather permitting) and tanning myself... in pleasant company.

The past few weeks since Lisboa have been a dream, I've suddenly found myself. Stolen kisses and quick hugs are the theme these days. They say love and jealousy cannot be hidden, its true. Not that I am in love, but I seem to have found life - or something like it - in my favourite part of London. Yes! I actually like the city now. Every time I am in Greenwich (where time begins)...Time for me stands still.

I am suddenly grateful for all that I have. The sun, the breeze, the new dreams.

Ughh! I sound love sick! But no Love don't live here anymore...Lust on the other hand *evil grin* is the director of this play for now.

More soon............

Sun, Sand and Sea: Old Feelings and New Beginnings

"I squint to look up,
the sun glares back at me.
Something says that my troubles,
will now be kind to me.
The wind whispers,
I have heard it before.
Listening to new words,
I see the change.
Angry sun burns,
the carefree wind blows,
smiling faces pass,
my toes wriggle in sand,
tired ideas breathe new life.
The world has not changed,
though everything feels new,
I know what has come and gone,
I was too lost to see,
all that has changed,
is me."-----------------------ME

The Drama Queen has been away from the blogosphere, she thought she had nothing to say. Nothing seemed to be important enough. The level of stagnation had reached new highs or should I say lows. Whatever the case may be, the past month has been spent in an attempt to clear the clutter in my head. I obsessed about jobs and money and my dissertation (which by the way, I still have not completed). I was fortunate to be granted an extension on the deadline. But have I learnt? No.! I sit here on a beautifully sunny day (a rare occurrence I must add), wishing and hoping I could run out and sit by the sea. I can see the boats and windsurfers and children running on the beach. The only running I got to do was out of the library and into the courtyard due to a annoying fire alarm. As the case every time, there was no fire. So my frantic running, clutching my belongings (too many I brought along today), was futile!

So annoyed and with broken rhythm I write a new post. Her highness has lately had oodles of time to introspect and analyse her life and the way she lives it. (This is a ritual with me, mainly just aimed at avoiding academic work, I like to make it sound important for that very reason).

Being broke and penny less is something I am not good at doing, I may not have enough to pay my phone bills but I will stop and stare at the shoe sale in Clarks. There is barely enough to pay next month's rent but I am off to Portugal in two days! Impulsive you say? I have had nicer adjectives, e.g., stupid, irresponsible, short-sighted, juvenile and the list goes on.

So, I ended up with no job, no money, an incomplete dissertation but I have new shoes that bite me every time I walk. I have finally admitted that I am a compulsive buyer, I buy things I don't need and I don't need the things I buy. Therefore, the current financial crisis is driving me nuts.

Cleaning jobs seemed to be beneath me most of my life (I mean I have rarely my bed when I was home), today I am ready to take anything I get. I considered some of them but then gave up and called Daddy. Knowing you will be Daddy's-girl has an immense satisfactory feeling. However, on the other end of the line I got a very angry and frustrated father, who didn't seem to happy at the prospect. Then again, it wasn't like he said no. Happy me is now awaiting the cheque. (jumping up and down)

This time though I am not going to spend it drinking away and travelling. Portugal is the last holiday for 2007. Now only work. I have become more organised now that I have learnt to live like an underprivileged member of the society. Ahem! That's an exaggeration. Now that I have learnt there isn't an unlimited supply of money for people who are as disorganised and irresponsible as me, I am going to watch what I do. No more dinners in fancy restaurants, no more impulsive buying or travelling. I will look for a job for survival, and not be snooty about anything. Most important of all I will have a plan, plans for everything. Small goals and everyday efforts to be more responsible :)

Hehe!!! Does this even sound like me?

I am not giving up my crazy antics though, I intend to stay just as annoying and animated.

Scottish Fever: Shivering in Edinburgh

"Over the rainbow lies a pot of gold. Across the sea is paradise Shangri-la exists but in my head" ---- ME

The drama queen sits in Edinburgh shivering with fever (hay or what ...i don't know). The fact that she has arrived is proof enough that she didn't miss her flight (hehehe). Anyway, there was drama even in that. At the check-in counter not only was she advised to pay for her luggage (by the way...I has foreseen that) but also asked to carry her bag to the 'Outsized baggage' area. The journey from the check-in desk to the payment section was of about 50 odd steps. As clumsy as her highness is, there were bound to be difficulties in even managing to accomplish that. So I walked swaying from side-to-side with my laptop bag and backpack. I dodged the countless travellers still swaying but the inevitable had to happen.
Ever noticed the metal signposts strewn all over airports that advertise things you do not need or sometimes you do. They tempt you buy holiday packages or the latest perfume in the duty free. Anyway I knocked a few of them over. It was poetry the way they fell one by one nudging the next one to fall...
The entire floor turned around to look at me. EMBARESSING!!!!!!
Well flight happened. I reached. I didn't have to carry my bags any further. The princess was driven to her holiday home...
Edinburgh is a beautiful and complex city at every turn there is something worth capturing in your memory or your camera's. You may be walking on a busy street with vehicles coming at you from every direction. However, you may suddenly turn a corner and the sounds of civilization will be drowned out. I found myself standing in an ancient courtyard wondering how many centuries of history it might have seen. I hadn't seen much today but the bus tour will help me explore a little more.
So here I am shivering with fever, not feeling too good about myself as the dissertation has not been touched!

More cribbing to come!

Somewhere over the Rainbow

"All we ever want is more
and mostly more time.
More time...
to grow up.
More time...
to learn.
More time...
to fall in love.
More time...
to fall out of love.
More time...
to finish things.
More time...
to let go."



In my case I need more time for everything. There are things I ought to do and there are things I ought not to do. It is no mystery that it is the things that I ought not to do, that I do often. For example, I should be working for my dissertation and writing a long overdue chapter - which is due to be handed in on Tuesday - but I am watching romantic comedies at midnight while gnawing on a large piece of orange flavoured chocolate. Neither should I be watching TV nor eating chocolate (I weighed myself yesterday...I must say its not good news).

There have been a few questions raised about my absence from the blogosphere. The drama queen has been busy trying to get her life back on track...but she hasn't managed to do so. After the accident she seems to have developed memory and concentration problems. It also doesn't help that a certain gentleman has been the cause of major and I mean MAJOR distraction.

Anyway, even at present I am distracted by the romantic comedy The Mirror Has Two Faces its funny how two people can be so perfect for each other, and be in love with each other and still screw things up! Blah!!...watch it ... I think its a classic chick flick. Its even got Pierce Brosnan...yummm!!

So, lately I have been confined to my four walls listening to music, watching TV, cooking, reading books completely unrelated to my work..heheh!! But all in all I think I have started enjoying my solitude. I like being by myself, I no longer seek the constant company of people or feel the need to 'do something'. Instead I am consumed by the absence of that very need. I don't want to do anything. Each day I wake when most of it has passed, and I go to bed in the early hours of the morning. Time has ceased to exist in my head, however I can see the growing concern among people around me who think it will pass me by if I fail to pay closer attention to my life.
I don't seem to care. I am not frightened. There is no fear of failure, no aspirations for success.
I like my stagnation at present.

New developments in life seem to threaten this love of stagnation. I am heading to Edinburgh on a whim. Running after a kite like a child of 5. I don't know which bush I am going to land in, all I know is that I cannot take my eyes of the kite. Its like finding a leprechaun, the moment you take your eyes of it, its gone! This thing that I feel now seems like a momentary lapse of reason. I am too scared to see it vanish. On the other hand, if it became a permanent feature of my life, I will be too afraid to embrace it.

I'm going to go eat the rest of my chocolate and watch the remains of the film...

Visit to Stansted @ 100 pound loss

"i hate me" ----ME

I missed my flight to Barcelona...
in the process also lost a 100 pounds.
My friend is in Barcelona all by herself.
I am an idiot.

The drama queen shall be spending the next few days in agony and remorse.

She is unavailable for anything until she feels like it.

On the road to Bala: The long way round

"Just one flash,
and its all gone.
One wrong turn,
and you are upside down.
A little mistake,
can claim everything you own.
We went down the hill,
into the mouth of madness.
Through all the chaos,
Life found its way." ------ ME

This weekend started off amazingly well. On Saturday a few of us were to embark on a journey to North Wales and Snowdonia. The books and guides promised it to be a visual delight. Mountains and lakes, valleys and rivers, cows and sheep ...hehehe

However, Saturday morning was spent fretting over a leak in our plumbing system which drowned the kitchen in gallons of water. Every time someone decided to shower the pipes decided to give the kitchen a good washing and the over shoot sprayed our garden and back door. So all systems had to be shut down and therefore a few of us couldn't shower. The un-showered headed to the swimming pool close by to cleanse themselves as our house had robbed them of that opportunity.

Once everyone was ready and clean we sat in the car discussing where to go. Still parked in front of the house, we sat and argued. Until someone had the bright idea of heading to a reservoir....I really cannot remember what it is called. It all seems a bit blurry to me. What I do remember was being thrown into the back seat and having to occupy the middle section. The drama queen was not happy about this. Anyway, so began the journey.

And true to their descriptions (the guidebooks) the country side offered a feast of natural beauty one after another. The first stop was lovely lake on the way to the Snowdon mountain range. However we stopped somewhere earlier and explored the trails around it. Throwing stones that jumped or plunged was becoming competitive by the lake. So I took off in search of subjects to photograph. The sepia coloured picture was taken there...by me!!! (oh by the way this trip made me realise that I should be a photographer too). There are few more worthy of praise from the area, but due to lack of space they will be reserved.

The weekend was fun and entertaining, there were constant jokes and halts for food. God knows how much food I must have dumped into my body. We were to spend the night at Bodwina Chalet in the Isle of Anglesey close to Holyhead. Needless to say, we got lost. Despite having the GPS device (Lovingly named 'Suzy'). Though to her credit she had shown us the right way, but when she said "You have reached your destination" none of us could see the tiny drive into the chalet and drove on and on. In the end, we called the manager at the chalet and asked for directions, realising that Suzy was right all along (wink).

The chalet was cozy and tastefully done. I was sad that we were just going to spend one night there and not more. It was a kind of a holiday home you would love to buy. Not just that it even had a stable of around 40 horses. I was already at home there. I woke up in the morning and outside my door was a beautiful black horse, just like black beauty and a brown mare who seemed pregnant to me. Both the creatures looked serene in the morning mist which chilled me to the spine but I stayed, staring at them and clicking away frantically (the smarty pants that I am I had forgotten to take a jacket along).

Now the journey began towards Snowdonia early in the morning. The sky was grey and gloomy but we hoped that the clouds would clear and we'd be able to make our way to the top. Unfortunately the weather seemed to have other plans. So we just loitered around at the foothills as the mountain train was not running and hikers were cautioned not to go up due to poor visibility (not that i planned on hiking...i was shivering already....no jacket ....my own layers of fat..still not much insulation)

So after a heavy breakfast there, we headed to an Italian village tucked away somewhere in north wales... I think it was called Porthmeirion. It was a kaleidoscope of colours and art however it didn't really seem every Italian to me. It had all sorts of influences, it was like a mad house of colours and flowers and statues and houses. All thrown in. After lunch and loads of 'Italian' ice cream we were headed to the tiny village of Bala to see another lake when all hell broke lose.

At 90 mph our car skid off the road and down a hill taking with it everything in its way. It fell about 15-20 feet at an incline before crashing on its head. The events that followed are a blur. It comes back in flashes the sudden turn, the fall, and the topple and the crash. In seconds we were all out safe and unhurt (barring a few cuts and bruises).

We spent a major part of that evening in the back of ambulances and police cars. Unable to get back we stayed at The White Lion Hotel in Bala. A heritage hotel of some sorts. It had an old world feel to it. None of us seemed to be too shaken about the events that occurred. We drank some wine and ate our dinner and joked about the accident. I don't know if it was defense mechanisms at work or just plain indifference because we had lived.

Ravi joked about buying a new car, I went back to poking jibes at Anand, (who btw, right after emerging from the car proclaimed that his astrologer had told him he was going to have an accident...who also was the one who fished out his camera from the wreckage and started taking pictures), Easwhar made a few wise cracks and showed off his wounds and we all retreated to our respective rooms. I spent half the night soaking in the bathtub with a bottle of wine...fell asleep, woke up and slept in the bed.

The next day was bad. We waited for the insurance company to deliver a spare care. We waited and waited. Breakfast happened, we checked out, loitered in the lobby until lunch time. Had lunch at the cafe bang opposite the hotel and all that while, Ravi kept darting looks at the hotel whilst consuming his soup. Looks darting speed: one look every 5 seconds. Finally the car arrived at 4:30pm and we started our drive back to civilization. (I WAS STUCK IN THE BACK SEAT IN THE MIDDLE AGAIN!!!!)

The others had to be dropped to Bristol and we reached there at about 8pm. Yes! and that was time for dinner. So we all went to Yum Yum Thai on Park Street. It was not as Yum as they would like you to believe and the prices were even less yummier. Dinner ended and obviously it was tooo late to drive back to Swansea. So we stayed. One more night. My journey didn't seem to end. This morning the M4 was jammed with traffic and I kept falling asleep. The weather didn't help either.

But, its 4am now and I am wide awake. In my own bed. Wondering why something so scary has not shaken me out of my slumber. Instead of embracing my life and getting started on my dissertation I stay awake writing this blog and looking for the best deals in SLR cameras!!!

Anyway, this was real life drama for the princess....and she survived!!! Without making a big deal (well without making a REALLY big deal out of it).

Stopping, stretching, bending....Time....

"The window shows me another world,
another life.
I had forgotten this,
where was I.
I was safe at home,
now I'm lost again.
I like finding my way back.
I'm not the Time Traveller's Wife.
I go , he waits....
I run, he stays..." ----ME


So, I've returned, and how! The Drama Queen hasn't bothered to make her way to Swansea yet. She still lazes in London with very little care for what lies ahead of her. Her career, her life, her new travels....etc. Somehow, all that seems to have lost significance. Time stopped. Again. Since being in London I've been sipping on green tea and watching people from behind my sunglasses.

Last night was spent in Greenwich (where time begins), her highness had already consumed un-recommendable amounts of alcohol. I reached the quaint student dorm just in time to catch a game of cards. 2 pence coins were the glamorous chips, which were making and breaking destinies of the players. There was one other familiar face, that seemed reasonably happy to see me. There were a few unfamiliar ones. But henceforth they will not be. It was a night of gambling and more drinking and smoking. My lullaby last night was a funny episode of The Simpsons . Something about Homer and Marge put me at ease and my floating head came back and reattached itself . Time had stopped again. I was amongst friends, (well not...technically mine). People I didn't know too well and that was perfect. I was comfortable with the lack of intimacy.

We talked, listened to music, discussed things I cannot recollect at present.

Around midnight Ben and Loraine (long story cut short I met them the last time I was in Greenwich). Ben had just visited his grandfather at the hospital. In our attempt at making Ben forget about the trauma that lay ahead we asked him to perform his "beat boxing" in a little dormitory room. Needless to say it was a stunning performance, Manoj played anything from hip-hop to trance and Ben added his beat boxing to the tracks. It was almost surreal. As the night wore on, public began to evacuate Kjetil was gone long ago. Ben and Loraine left. So Elsa Manoj and me passed our peace pipe around and listened to "Multiple Orgasms" (...haha its music....refrain from bad thoughts)

I cannot remember when I passed out on the mattress somewhere between Elsa leaving and Marge yelling at Homer.

Anyway, I woke to the beautiful sun rays and a lovely breakfast at Pistachio's - a tiny cafe - in Greenwich. Elsa and I toasted ourselves under the rays while she enjoyed her Latte and I gobbled my vegetarian breakfast. Once all was eaten, I left to get to Hammersmith. I intentionally missed my bus to Swansea.

Instead I spent the afternoon by the riverside in Richmond drinking ale and feeding the ducks. The night saw me catching up with Daniel. Over a few vodka's we spoke of the last month and how we had spent it. Felt good.

Tomorrow I return to Swansea where my future awaits. So long I postponed going to the dreary town. Reality will strike tomorrow. I will have to wake up.

Drama Queen's Last Night out

"All around its bright,
bright and early life starts,
every morning.
I wake up to sounds,
sounds that are familiar and annoying,
every morning.
Spicy smells hang heavy,
heavy is the humid air,
every morning.
These are just days,
days that are fleeting away,
there will be no sounds,
no smells,
no brightness,
this will not greet me,
every morning." ------- ME


My last weekend in Bombay. I'm sitting in fron of an ill-equipped closet trying to fish out an attire that will be appropriate for a night at the most expensive club in town. Its tough! Decisions! I have an appointment with the hairdresser in 30 minutes and I am trying desparately to type with freshly painted nails. (without causing any damage) I look like a spaz trying to type who thinks his fingers are squiggly twigs. (Sigh! so far so good...the paint has not been damaged)
I realise I am going to leave. Sooner than I can imagine. Three days to go for lift off. Lift off to dreary Swansea. How exciting! I am going back to my life as a pauper. I shall be counting pennies to buy the cheapest pasta at Tesco! Going to hairdressers who treat me like a princess will be a distant dream then. Being home has been so much fun that I don't want to go back. However, its a good thing I am going back because my resolve to work and finish my disstertation here turned out to be quite weak. I have not progressed much on the work front.
I have enjoyed the finger-lickingly delicious food and the pampering from my family. I even changed the colour of my hair..hehe ...Ma says it makes me look older. But what the heck I am getting older....
So! The drama queen has decided to stick to a routine (hehe....she can try at least). Here it goes:
As soon as I get back (after I have deposited the cheques from my dad -for survival)
I will run every morning by the sea
I will learn how to ride a bicycle
I will swin three days a week
WILL ABSTAIN FROM EATING OUT AND DRINKING LIKE AN ALCOHOLIC (truthfully I cannot afford it anymore...*wink*...so this one will definitely work)
I will work on my dissertation 5-6 hours a day in the library (see she had to remember the important stuff last!!!)


**Conditions subject to change depending on mood swings

Btw, the nail paint has survived!! Hurrah!

I Let Me Lie

"The brightness stings my eye
I bear the heat,
I let me lie.
Still is the summer breeze,
my eyes stare out,
It's the same green tree.
Next to me something stirs,
I won't turn around now,
I can hear its heart's murmurs.
Is this me, or something I'd rather be,
I burn with the sun,
Still drunk on the moon's honey.
I bear the heat,
I don't turn,
I let me lie,
I hear its heart beat,
I let me lie,
I let me mourn." ------ ME

News from the 'Jewelled' land

The drama queen survived her first conflict zone...yay! (She came back with torn pants from shitting bricks all the time *wink) Though biologically not possible, I came quite close to it. My research led me to Manipur - a state in the north east of India - literally meaning the 'jewelled land'. Anyway it was jewelled with insurgents and corruption and state terrorism. Being the daft and naive me, I decided to head there alone ( BAD IDEA!!!)
However things worked out in my favour as I am just a student trying to fish for answers to the insurgency and the state of affairs there. From the moment I arrived till the moment I left, it felt like a foreign land. The people looked like the Thai or Lao people I had seen on my travels to South-east Asia. Even the villages of Manipur reminded me of interiors of Lao PDR. Except Lao was safe and Manipur isn't. It is fraught with economic degradation which is hastened by the insurgency and the corruption. High consumption of IV drug abuse has led to a near epidemic of AIDS in the region. At the same time, there is no infrastructure that helps address these issues. I went to Manipur only to do my research but learnt a lot in the bargain. I realised that life isn't all peachy. The people of Manipur are suffering for no fault of theirs. They seem to have become a forgotten part of India.
I am extremely late in submitting the first chapter of my thesis. Being home has put me into procrastination mode. This holiday has been just that...and big fat holiday. I've taken a vacation from my life as a journalist and am enjoying meeting old friends, making new ones and immersing myself in copious amounts of alcohol. Every Saturday I meet a group of friends and spend my Mondays recovering from the Saturday night fever. It is beginning to scare me now that I have completely let go of all plans and aspirations. (EEEks i sound like a depressive alcoholic)
Anyway, this has been heavy all the devastation in Manipur has got to me...I shall try and salvage my first chapter which is floating in the far corners of my brain. I have been making efforts to write this piece but all I do is drink more. T

Today shall be the day I finish at least three quarters of this chapter... (hopefully)

In the clouds with my blue-eyed fantasy

"Though it maybe for a short while,
I took solace in a stranger's smile.
Surprised I was to feel,
I had wondered if I'd ever heal,
Now I know, I'll be heading down the road
I thought I'd never again go..." --------ME

The Drama Queen has arrived!!!! Let it be known to the world that she is home. Where she is a princess and is treated so...he he!!
The journey back home was wonderful, sad, crazy and eventful. (I sound like I don't have to leave again!) London was fun for once. I enjoyed the greatest sport in the world...SHOPPING! I never knew I was such a girl!!. My shopaholism has now come full-circle...and yes my tastes are just as exquisite as they used to be. I bought some amazingly dainty shoes that look beautiful on my dainty feet (hehe...talk about modesty). They almost feel as though the designer had my feet in mind!!! (No ...big lie...but they do look fantastic) Anyway, its good to be home. My attempts at weight loss will not work here. Every time I return I expect to lose a few kilos but the opposite happens. I still dream on, thinking this time it will be different. However, what was different, was the journey home...ahem! I make it sound like a pilgrimage. It was just a nice enjoyable 8.5 hour flight home. It was different because it was 'enjoyable'.
A fat man who eats the wrong kind of food, which later presents itself in the smelliest of farts, is the representative travel companion for me. I get stuck on flights with crying and wailing babies and ugly smelly men. I am always surrounded by them.
So what makes this one different? I had a face that I could look at not get disgusted of (Actually, it was quite a visual delight...heheh). It was accompanied by a brain that supported complicated functions such as thinking and had the added feature of humour. Most important of all, this organism was capable of politeness!!!!
And the surprising thing was, that it was a man...!!

Anyway, I am quite embaressed. I have a crush...ugh!! I am 24 fucking years old, I should know better than that. I am so smart that I didn't ask for his email address.

So here I am in my fantasy and hoping, wishing, praying....that he writes to me.

Oh! and also that he never reads this blog ...

Memories, Unpacked suitcase, and an MA

I am staring at my suitcase with its mouth wide open. There is a sense of excitement, my heart is joyous thumping to the idea that I am going home. It will be sunny and there'll be plenty of delicious food and loads of people who will be delighted to see me again. The MA is over, all thats left is a looming thesis and faded pictures and memories. Memories of the good, mad and the sad times. I scan through the hundreds of pictures in my computer, moments that were captured in the last two years. I see faces of people I may never have the chance to meet again. I feel a knot in my throat and my eyes feel moist. Its stupid I tell myself. It had to be over one day, I knew that from the time it began.
Hugging my closest friends and waving goodbye was hard today. It felt like a big part of my life is now going to be referred to in past tense. When I "was" on the master programme, when I "lived" in Denmark, when I "was" studying in Amsterdam, when we "met" up in London, when it "rained" in Swansea...etc.
The sadness will fade and so will the memories, in a few months, these people that I am sad to be separated from today, will come to exist in my life as email addresses. It has been hard the last two times that I have had to move countries. Every time I have left my accommodation and looked at the empty walls there has been a sense of loss. But, I knew I was going to see my friends again. This time there is no certainty. There are no classes or modules to come back to. And frankly, Swansea is a place I never want to come back to unless I have to. Despite this, negativity associated with it, I am sad to have to say goodbye.
I wrote a sentimental and stupid email to the whole group about how I would miss them. It was nice while it lasted barring a few minor hiccups.
There is so much I have learnt about myself in these two years. There is so much I have learnt about so many things that the list would be endless.

Well, the suitcase is now packed, full of old clothes, books and dreams :)

0.00 Longitude and Green

"The sun visits often these days,
I float from one thing to the next,
With no care for consequence,
I jump through pictures in a frame,
No memory lost or gained,
Life is a tree, still in wind and rain" ---ME


The last weekend was extremely fun, the Drama Queen went to Greenwich. Its a quaint little town with tiny cafes and pubs. It was a trip down memory lane as I stayed with a bunch of students in a university dorm. Spent my night in a sleeping bag on the floor. Watched movies that only aid to mind fucking. The fastest ship in the world (during the 1820s) the Cutty Sark is docked there. Was interesting. The oldest watch/time shop in the world sits at a tiny corner of a narrow street. Time was institutionalized here. Come to think of it seemed to pass quite easily while I was there. The reference for the times zones all around the world was here. I was at the beginning of time. Where it starts.
Anyway, so the trip was planned in order to catch up with an old friend and get my schengen visa sorted out. But alas! there was always the drama. On the day of the visa application her highness forgot to take along very crucial documents. So the night before and the morning during the application was spent stressing and fretting over what could happen and all the things that would go wrong. However, in the end it worked out fine... How i love fax machines :) ...
In other events, I met an interesting Norwegian student, who I thought was showing interest in my existence. But as it turned out, that was a one night only performance. Lovely intellectually stimulating conversations for one night and that was the end of it...haha... story of my life.
So now its back to reality...I have about two assignments hanging over my tiny, grey-cell-less head which need to be completed by this weekend. And I am doing just about everything from cooking to cleaning to laundry in order to avoid having to finish my work. Oh! and there is kick boxing class to look forward to today.
Amongst other news, I go home in a week!!..I am sure that will be an eventful experience since I chose to arrive on the day of the festival of colours.

Wonder whats up ahead next.

So Much for Love!!

"It was said to conquer all,
even in the face of death,
love is told to have stood strong,
But only until a lovelier love
came along..." ---ME


Valentine's Day is blown into this event when all the world pledges its love to the loved ones. Ugh! I am sick to my stomach with pink hearts and red roses and champagne and strawberries. I had told myself I was going to pretend that this day didn't exist and it would come and go. I wouldn't even notice it I believed. I believed WRONG!! Morning came and DING DONG!! Big package delivery.. I stumbled out of bed half a asleep to get the door. A very happy looking postman greeted me, I couldn't be less interested. Anyway it wasn't for me... most packages delivered to this house are not for me..
So back to bed it was. 9 o clock came and I was out again. Readying myself for a romantic meeting with my counsellor (no I am not mad, this is damage control so that I don't get there!). How exciting my life has become. I have regular meetings with people who tell me how important it is to "find" myself. However, the only thing I "find" myself in , is DEEP SHIT!!

Anyway! After the session I find myself wandering among crowds of puberty-stricken-pimple-faced freshers, kissing holding hands, tagging balloons along.
Not a very nice day to be single. My plan wasn't working. I was going to be reminded that I may end up a barking old woman who reeks of smoke and has a dog as scruffy as her.
Pretty picture (I do have a knack of painting doomsday scenarios)
But no the drama queen wined and dined herself with a friend. Wine, chocolates and Desperate Housewives were enough to blur the rest of the world away...
So the next day the two single women declared war on V-Day. Our response to love? KICK BOXING!! The next evening was spent venting the anger on to punching pads and opponents.
My knuckles were sore and I couldn't differentiate my hip from my thigh by the end of it. Every inch of the lazy lumpy body was in tremendous pain.
However, its true what they say, "Pain kills pain". Suddenly I didn't even remember the pain of valentine's...I was too busy dealing with the pain my butt. (No seriously, literally the pain was in my buttocks!!)
The next evening is being spent finding new ways to sit down and stand up without taxing the muscles sore from the enthusiastic boxing encounter.

So much for pain...

So you think you can tell? Heaven from Hell?

"There is light, there is the cool breeze,
It runs through my hair.
If I stand here silent,
I can almost hear the past fade away,
I am hiding my scars from the moon,
I know the end is coming soon." ---ME


Hello Again! There has been a big wake up call...An alarm that refused to switch off. But then again, I am the quintessential Scarlett O'Hara, and tomorrow is another day. Alcohol and anger is the most dangerous combination (trust me, I learnt it the hard way). It is my earnest request to all the budding/full-blown alcoholics not to mix the two. Mix Vodka and diet coke, not stupidity and drunken-ness.

The semester at Wales is coming to an end. (YES! YES! YES!....jumping up and down clapping like a clown). However, freedom comes at a price there is the dissertation and a couple of not so interesting assignments hovering over my head. *YAWN*

This is proof that I am going to be a lazy bum all my life (not that have a real problem with being so) and just float from one phase to another. Living in Wales and in a town with social degradation reaching new lows, one cannot help being influenced by the complacent lifestyle and wonder "so what if i work in a bar all my life...??"
This is what I had been fearing, slipping into oblivion..a deep and comfortable state where everything goes. I no longer know the difference between success and failure. Then there are the proponents of the theory of 'happiness and peace of mind are enough'. Given that being happy is what its all about in the end. But, what do you need to be happy? Money? Love (if it exists)? Peace? (Yours or the world's, or are they even separate?)

All ears for the answers...

New Year, No Money....Just one Life

9TH JANUARY 2007

"Happiness in intelligent people
is the rarest thing I know." --Ernest Hemingway


Ha ha! The Drama Queen has finally found a reason to justify being morose. It has been a while since she last decided to grace the blogosphere. Well, Her Royal Highness was away on her escapades as usual until money was in scarce supply.
No brownies for guessing that she is back in miserable Wales because she ran out of money and because school starts mid-January again! However, there is reason for celebration :)..This is a new year. Year 2007. Wonder what is in store. Hmmm...
Before we speculate on what lies ahead, I am going to look back at another year gone by. (WHICH MEANS I AM GETTING OLDER!!!! MORE WRINKLES...[nonsense I could never have one]) I shall refrain from mentioning the disastrous and stormy love affair that cost me everything from money to time to my degree!!
The last few months of 2006 were spent by me traveling around Europe. There was Thanksgiving in Hamburg and Sinterklaas in Amsterdam, Christmas and New Year in London and New Year's day in Colechester (btw..travelbugs/globetrekkers...Colechester in Essex, in the UK is one of the prettiest towns I have seen in this country so far. It is small enough to walk around the whole town and big enough to have a wide variety of interesting pubs and restaurants. The architecture reminds one of old roman constructions.
Hamburg is a pretty city, cheap beer...like I needed to tell you that about the Germans! There is an erie Cathedral in the city that was bombed in WWII. However, watching it at night has a different charm. There is an underground pub/brewery/eatery not too far from the cathedral which is a must see.
Amsterdam!! well its my second home, on concrete travel tips, feel free to write to me.
London is a city that I began liking or tolerating to be precise, only at the end of the last year. The only rule for traveling in London is: Have the Tube Map, The A-Z London map and an Oyster Card).
These little holidays were synchronised stunts to aid memory loss of the past year. In a series of unforseen circumstances, the only thing I lost, was money. Lots and lots of money, that I cannot even claim to have been my own or earned by me.

So! Here’s raising my glass to another year of highs and lows..
Another intelligent soul heads into the mouth of hell….(evil grin)