"The sun had set and left a few rays lingering in the sky.
It looked like a translucent blue fabric. The breeze caressed everything in its way.
All stopped still. I wanted to run.
Run through life like a breeze touching everyone's heart, to leave a memory of me..." --Me
Sometimes forgetting is easier than trying to remember. Letting go works better than holding on. Pain goes away when memories cease to exist. Ironic as it may seem, watching "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" at the most inopportune time of night, drove me to write this blog.
Our present seems to be illuminated by the past. We see everything in the light of what we have known before. So if you were to consciously erase your past, how would you enjoy the present or look forward to the future?
Over the past few weeks, I have been pushed to choose erasing the past than embracing it. I have time and again strategised and deliberated over how can one let go of the memories that make up your past. Especially the painful ones. Obviously no one wants to be rid of the beautiful and happy memories. However, it is the painful memories that seem to bring back more vivid thoughts and feelings than the more joyous ones. The pain came from not just a feeling of rejection or disappointment; it came from the intensity of my feelings. The more I chose to forget the less I began to feel. Less pain, less joy, less rejection, just a constant state of choosing to stay in oblivion. Being numb, but not comfortably.
I just realised that forgetting may kill the pain, but remembering keeps me going. So, as crazy as it may seem, remembering allows me to look at someone and love him even though sometimes he chooses to forget so that he can escape pain. But I remember the pain to remind me of how beautiful he can be.
